You need to step back and identify the priorities -- your priorities -- in a relationship with a married man. Ensuring you have a life distinct from his that is your safe haven can make being the other woman, if not a secure, permanent position, at least one that is a bit more tolerable.
*name changed Kristen Houghton is the author of the hilarious new book, No Woman Diets Alone - There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut in the top 10 hot new releases at Amazon available now on Kindle, Nook, and all e-book venues. Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" is ranked in the top 100 books by Tower You may email her at [email protected]
But when the man with whom you're involved is part of another couple, someone else's husband, then the challenge and unpredictability can make your life a messy, unhappy waiting game that you will rarely win.
The fact that there's actually a market for married people in online dating baffles us a little.
Why even get married if you're just going to be cruising around the dark online world of married dating sites?
Their life together includes friendships and a social network that is shared and comfortable for him. Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is -- or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman.
Even Katharine Hepburn knew, and accepted, this fact during her long affair with Spencer Tracy.
Her close circle of friends might know about her affair, but she really cannot let anyone else, such as colleagues or her family, know.
She is alone most of the time and spends it waiting: waiting for her married lover to call, to come meet her, to share some precious time together.
She is not his wife, she is not mother to his children, she is not his parents' daughter-in-law.
Her chance for happiness hinges on a future that is highly uncertain, to say the least.
Let your friends know that you still want to go out with them regularly.