Polyamory overlaps somewhat with geek culture, such as cosplay, or the kink world, such as BDSM.Many couples who become interested in polyamory start by looking for a single, bisexual woman to add to the relationship.Both of them say they knew from a young age that there was something different about their sexuality.
But it became clear to me that for “polys,” as they’re sometimes known, jealousy is more of an internal, negligible feeling than a partner-induced, important one.
To them, it’s more like a passing head cold than a tumor spreading through the relationship.
“There are no ‘shoulds.’ You don’t have to draw a line between who is a lover and who is a friend.
They’ve been “nesting partners” for 12 years, but they’ve both had other relationships throughout that time.
Michael is 65, and he has a chinstrap beard that makes him look like he just walked off an Amish homestead.
Together, they form a polyamorous “triad”— one of the many formations that’s possible in this jellyfish of a sexual preference.Jonica moved in three years ago after meeting Michael on Ok Cupid.She describes the arrangement’s appeal as “more intimacy, less rules. The house occasionally plays host to a rotating cast of outside characters, as well—be they friends of the triad or potential love interests.When critics decry polys as escapists who have simply “gotten bored” in traditional relationships, polys counter that the more people they can draw close to them, the more self-actualized they can be.In the course of her research, Sheff met one couple in which the man was as “as kinky as a cheap garden hose.” “It didn’t do it for [his wife], the whole kink thing,” Sheff told me.Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist who interviewed 40 polyamorous people over the course of several years for her recent book, , says that polyamorous configurations with more than three people tend to be rarer and have more turnover.