I spoke to a few different people about their experiences with polyamory and nonmonogamy.
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It's just too much damned work and I, for one, would rather spend my time swimming or devoting myself to a great job or starting a family rather than processing and debugging a complex relationship arrangement for the rest of my life.
I came to recognize that for me, poly was a way of dating and boosting my ego, maintaining social connections, and deflecting codependent tendencies in myself."I have yet to see anyone pull it off without major doses of drama and bullshit and ego and pain. Some poly relationships last a while (like my five year one!
The reality is that time is finite, and energy is finite, and babies and cultural markers of commitment (from marriage to words like "partner") are finite.
I have yet to see anyone truly carry on a polyamorous relationship that hasn't disintegrated into drama or been reduced down to a monogamous partnership over time.
For a long time I tried to be in monogamous relationships, especially after early attempts to negotiate open relationships failed, because they felt like the only option available to me. When I learned that 'poly' was a thing and that I wasn't alone — and didn't have to be some kind of bohemian genius to make things work — it was a tremendous relief."Poly feels like it's really central to who I am, and it's tightly interwoven with other aspects of my identity.
Poly for me is strongly tied to the importance I place on individual autonomy in the context of healthy communities. But, it's also unavoidable."There are a heap of benefits.In that theoretical sense, I would be more likely to engage in polyamory.But, I don't know."There are still a lot of misconceptions about the idea, and I'm sure I still have a lot myself, but it's something that I would be willing to try — with the right person, at the right time, in the right situation.It's becoming increasingly common for people to consider open relationships and even to seek them out on mainstream apps like Ok Cupid.But now, polyamorous people can also find partners on a dating site created just for them.), but in the end, in my experience, they all crash and burn.