While Debra Herbenick, lead researcher and associate director at Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion, claims her study is the first to examine beliefs about vibrators, there has been much buzz in the press about the prevalence of these personal (and interpersonal) devices. With the upcoming release of "Hysteria," a film about the early medical usage of vibrators to treat women, vibrators appear to be going even more mainstream -- if they haven't already achieved mainstream status.
The answers I found were actually super enraging — especially on one particular Reddit post I’d stumbled across.
Some answered, “If she’s better looking than me,” while others brought up words like “smarter,” “stronger,” “funnier,” and “outspoken.” Women who made more money than their male counterparts, or had a better job or seemed more successful in general, were also penalized.
A few weeks ago, I posted a survey to my Twitter, asking my followers what they wanted to see in this column.
(It’s still live, so you can feel free to add in your two cents!
(Yes, this is one of the things certain men found intimidating.) And I like these parts of myself a lot.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for me a few years ago.The queer men and women I spoke to had never been given the excuse of intimidation as the reason why they weren’t finding dates (though, admittedly, my findings are 100% anecdotal).So, being a woman who used to mold and fold herself to meet society’s standards of “the girl he wants to date,” I started Googling to see exactly what men found intimidating in a woman, all in an effort to fix it in myself.If I disagreed with him on anything, I’d avoid even a friendly debate, and smile tightly and change the subject.I tried to make myself appear smaller so I wouldn’t overshadow the man I was out with. A string of egocentric assholes who wanted to me small so that they felt bigger.It’s an odd realization to make, because part of what makes dating so complicated is the idea that you need to perform for the person sitting in front of you.